today

Where am I?  Really?  I (Kelly) am choosing to have eyes to see what is going on in my own heart right now...

  Today, like yesterday we are a family in waiting.  Waiting and learning.  Attempting to learn ALL that God has for us in this season of uncertainty.  Uncertain to us...not uncertain to God.  Learning is hard work.  It's exhausting. 

It is accompanied by many fears, bumps, bruises, and reminders of scars from past falling.  We take a few steps....we see progress...we hunger for more motion....life...we fall...we return to fear...we sit...we play with the idea that walking is just too dangerous....crawling is safe.  Crawling we can do.  Crawling allows us to move in safety without hurting ourselves.  It allows motion without major risk or cost.  Today, we like Charli, are growing restless with crawling. 

This picture...Charli's face... screams my heart....."I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO....I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS....I DON'T KNOW HOW I GOT HERE....WILL SOMEONE PLEASE PICK ME UP AND MOVE ME OUT OF THIS MESS?"  Today, I am sitting on the floor.  Trying not to give up!

I am asking The Father....to reassure this infant heart.  I am asking for Him to teach.  I am asking Him to sturdy these wobbly knees.  I am asking Him to show me where to walk.  I am asking him for courage to trust.  

Today, and everyday I need Him to whisper that He is near.  That He is helping.  I need His tender touch.  His gentle reminders....His coaching... His reassurance....His instructions...His truth...HIM! I need Him to be my Daddy....In this He takes great delight.                                                         

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Where am I today????  I am weary of having weak legs.  I am weary of bumps and bruises.  I am dreaming of my walking days, legs strong, eyes set firm on the prize....aware that those days will not be without falls but praying that recovery will be much quicker.  Today,  I am in need of a Sabbath from my fears of fallling and all the unknowns.  I want to bury my head deep in my Daddy's lap and just let Him love on me.  Today,  I just need to be loved on....

Where will I be tomorrow?  I was reminded early this morning that tomorrow will hold many troubles of it's own. But the invitation and call that was issued to our family over two years ago is present today and will not expire tomorrow.....  just as our Charli is having to learn to walk, our entire family must continue to learn to WALK BY FAITH AND NOT BY SIGHT..