Something Different

If you read my blog post from last Saturday, I tried to be very real about the low place I was in that day.  I visit that place pretty regularly.  Yesterday and today have been very different though.  On Saturday I started to work on a few creative projects.  Hard to communicate how poorly they went that day.  Laughable now.  Not very funny while it was happening.  Felt pretty defeated… I know… pretty crazy to feel defeated when a random woodworking project falls to pieces…  It’s only a little free wood and time that’s lost.

Something different stirred within me yesterday and today as I thought about those projects.  I felt a strong desire to hit them hard.  I wouldn’t let them defeat me.  I’d kick their tail.  That’s just a figure of speech.  Trying to keep the passion bridled with appropriate language.  Grateful for that change.  Grateful for the desire to push hard into that which I felt like I allowed to define me in a negative way.

Sometimes I can let being unemployed define me in a negative way.  Being jobless is such a weird thing after all these years of working…It’s surprising that being unemployed can still be frustratingly busy.  It doesn’t make any sense, but it’s so true; however, I still get such pleasure at the feeling of productivity.  I know that’s not completely a bad thing by any means.  It can easily become something of an idol though.  The little projects I’ve begun make me feel good about myself because I’m working hard to try to do something… something that could be a blessing… something that contributes.  All good… just don’t want my identity to come from productivity.  Don’t want to rely on that for my standing with anyone (including with myself).

One of the few quotes my “boyz” (if you will) recite when they repeat my few sayings is, “Your standing with God is not based on your spiritual performance.”  There’s much freedom to be found in that statement.  Hoping my standing in my own eyes would be based on His truths… not on how I feel or how much I get done.  I like the idea of not only saying He defines me, but actually functionally embracing that truth.  Not sure what that might look like… but I’d like to try it on for size.  Have a feeling it would fit perfectly.