Change

Even as a kid I was very resistant to change. I remember coming home and noticing that my mom had rearranged a picture on the wall. No, it wasn't a picture I had made. It wasn't even something I thought was really cool. The fact that she moved it it is what stirred something within me that deeply bothered me. Why did it need to be changed?

I've carried this attitude toward change much of my life. This week I'm still initially encountering change with frustration, concern and fear, but then I feel like I'm moving into it with excitement.

A few significant changes I'd like to mention...

People who study adolescent development like to talk about “markers.” It simply means landmarks or moments / events in a person's life that mark the beginning of a new season. Tonight I experienced a marker.

Before Kelly left for California God had put a passage of scripture on her heart. It was the passage about the woman who anointed Jesus' feet with her hair, tears and perfume. Jesus was anointed to mark the next part of His mission. Kel felt compelled to anoint my feet. No, she doesn't worship me. She actually knows my ugliness better than anyone. Still she deeply loves me... it doesn't make sense, but I'm grateful for it. Anyways, the anointing was more of a marker for the next season in my life. Life is changing. Things will be different. God has a plan for something new. Deeply humbled by this anointing. In some ways it makes me feel more ready for whatever's next.

Second change... Kel came back from her trip with some new convictions about being a good steward with our bodies... basically, honoring God with our health. Just to downplay it a little (because I can), we'll say I was not that excited about the idea of these new health changes. We'll just say I was a “little” grumpy. These health changes were all tied to food. Let me interrupt myself to say that even if I didn't agree with Kel (but I do), I should be willing to entertain her desire to honor God with our bodies (which we're merely entrusted with... they're actually His bodies). I've realized my intense resistance is tied to what I mentioned in a previous blog about a dream. I'm so tied to things. Ensnared. Entangled. There are many things that have strong cords around me. Even food. Ready to break chains.

My friend told me once that everyone is an addict. We're all addicts of something. Maybe we're addicted to ourselves. Maybe I'm addicted to many things. Safety? Comfort? Familiarity? The false sense of security that comes from a steady paycheck?

One last thing... for those of you well acquainted with my closest traveling companion... which is, of course, my giant planner (I've mentioned it before as my Trapper Keeper). Well, we'll just say that at the end of the month it will be retired. No longer will I invest in refills for this system. If you know me really well, you're probably about to re-read this paragraph. It is true. Not sure how I'll do with this change. Never was quite sure who was controlling who in terms the relationship I had with my planner. Somehow, it felt like she (my planner) called the shots more than I did.

All I can say is that change is happening. Pretty excited about it.  

I got to teach the girls' science lesson today.  This was one of the illustrations from the lesson.  It's a chrysalis.  Ready for change.