all things

Pastor has issued a call and reminder over our hearts today.  We are to be thankful for ALL THINGS!  We have both had  a lot of struggling moments over the last several hours.  This afternoon I opened the mail and found what our eldest princess has been hoping for... test results.  All of our kids have severe food allergies.  Last week Emmiline and Eloise had blood drawn to see if progress had been made.  They have both been expectant, especially our Emmiline.

I took a deep breath as I began to open the envelope.  I was afraid.  Pastor wouldn't want me telling you this, but he had been praying intensely and fasting for our daughters.  I read Emmiline's first.  It wasn't good news.  Yes, some healing has taken place, but she is still allergic to all the same things...some worse...some better....some healing.  My heart sank.  I shared with Pastor.  Sadness and irritation was aroused in both of us.  We felt broken for Emmiline.  How were we going to share the news with a child that has been asking everyday with excitement if she could check the mail?  Pain stirs up old wounds, and like always I want to run.

Eloise had miraculous results.  She has had almost all the same allergies as her older sister and now is almost completely healed.  She only has one allergy remaining, and it is very minimal.  This is amazing.  This is worth celebrating.  This is worthy of praise and thanksgiving....but, wait.....aren't  Emmiline's results worthy of the same things.  Should my heart not be grateful for both situations? 

Why am I only prompted to thank God when I get what seems owed to me?  I am feeling heavy about this today. 

Pastor shared the results tonight.  I was afraid.  I watched the girls and tried to interject positive reminders...maybe more for me than for Emmiline.  She handled it well.  She has the amazing gift of understanding.  She is a positive thinker....she is also a stuffer.  Pastor and I have and will continue to help her process the disappointment.  Just like in my own life, I have to remember that God is in charge of Emmiline's story.  He is and will use this to shape her.  I can find rest in that if I choose to.  For I know, His love and plans for her are better than mine.  BUT....I am still sad.

As I stand here, typing this, I am recalling confessions to our girls about our own sadness and Pastor's cussing tongue.  I am deep in thought.  Our smalls have needy parents.  They know this.  They know it well.  I am thankful.

We have had a clear opportunity to look for thankfulness today.  God has been teaching Pastor and I that hardship is not a curse to run from, but an opportunity to need God more. I am reminded that when Jesus chose his sidekicks He didn't pick the flashy.   He chose the needy.  I am so thankful that as I remain needy He continues to shape me.    Neediness for Him is something He desires of all his children.

Lord, give me eyes to see, ears to hear and faith to believe that you are always working for our good....always!  And, may I remember to give you thanks in all things....ALL THINGS!

choosing thankfulness, choosing to celebrate any and all healing, learning to rejoice with and for others even when it's costly.