getting ready

Today has been a day of getting things ready.  This will be a week full of events but lacking Pastor.  A week with much to be done and fun to be had.  A week that has potential for precious memory making.

This is Bud's birthday week.  I can hardly believe that my little Prince will be 4 in a few short days.  He is getting so big and yet sometimes I think he is more baby- like than Charli.  I adore him and we plan on celebrating him well.

I have spent most of the morning getting things ready for his day.  He requested chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing so I was busy with my messy hands making him delicious treats that are safe for his little system.   All the while...

Pastor has been getting ready for his workweek.  Packing lists have been made and marked off... snacks have been packed... home chores have been tackled and hearts try to get prepared for another goodbye.  I'm afraid I wasn't ready for how our young prince was going to process seeing his daddy leave again.  And, I didn't have the heart to tell him that he wouldn't be home for his special day.  Transition is a hard place to live whether you are 4 or 34.

A small body with such a big, tender heart.  It's breaks a momma and a daddy to see their smalls so broken.

But, Pastor still has to leave and the day must go on... so we rally.  We try to distract the hurt of the small and replace it with joy.  We play music and pretend and we put a band aid on what hurts... knowing that the only thing that will fully mend is a daddy being with boy.

I feel like Elliott a lot.  The thing I desire and need most on the planet is to sense my Daddy's nearness.  I long for it.  With each passing day I see my need and desperation more.  I cannot do my life without HIM.  He is my source.  Plenty of band aids offered daily, many I accept, and they distract for a bit, but the ache always oozes at some point.

As I attempt to get this old, raggedy, heart ready for the advent season I grieve my inability to "get it done."  I simply cannot get my heart where it needs to be by myself.  Sure, I can bake the cookies, purchase intentional trinkets, wrap the gifts, trim the tree, sing the carols, make appearances, but the "most important"....  well, I just can't pick that up at Walmart on Black Friday.  No coupons, no deals, no Cyber Monday specials exist for aligning my heart and mind with the amazing truth of this season.  The God of the universe sent His Son so that I wouldn't have to rely on bandaids to fix my ache.  He is THE GOD OF NAILS AND NEARNESS.  

It feels like a lot for my rainy heart to process.  I'll have to rely on the Maker of Advent to show up and cause my heart to be full of joy and wonder.  I'll have to again accept the blood- covered gift of faith.  I want that gift and you better believe I'll share, but I won't regift.

As we continue the getting ready... whether it's Pastor's leaving, birthdays coming, Advent stirring, or just the day to days... I am reminded by my youngest princess the value of serving... serving from a heart that delights in blessing others...

This morning I caught this little lovely out in the rain bringing up a trash can twice as big as herself... no one asked her too... she just saw a need and joyfully offered her hands.  I want to be like her when I grow up... she is always serving and doing it with joy.  I am blown away by her heart.  I am humbled.  I am broken.  I am choosing to learn.  We can learn a lot from little hands.

Truth is, we are always getting ready for something.  I sense the Lord enticing my heart with aroma of advent.  His tools for today are the tears of a prince and the trash-carrying hands of a princess.  He is beckoning me to possess a heart of servitude.  This is not drudgery for me.  It is a longing... one that is equally matched with a desire for energy so that I can be used.

Getting ready... it's a process... it's tiring... it reveals needs and enlists the help of others... it reminds... and it never ends.  Praying today that we would have hands that serve and eyes to see God's nearness as we await the gift of faith... joyfully knowing that they most often appear together.