Clark Griswald

I am much like my dad.  If you haven't met my dad, he IS Clark Griswald.  That's a literal statement.  It is not a metaphor.  Truly, my dad could sue for copyright infringement.  I've lived "Christmas Vacation" over and over again because of him.

Well, I think sometimes I'm unaware of the similarities between my dad and I.  Today I was reminded of some of those similarities.

I bought our Christmas tree today.  It may seem early to you, but you're wrong.  We usually wait until December 1st (Kel's birthday), but I'll be in Ohio all week.  Felt it would be nice to have it before I left.

Tradition is fun.  Our tradition is to buy our tree from Mayo's Garden Center.  For some reason I've been known to buy very large trees.  I'm a pretty cheap guy, but this is one place I'm willing to spend a little extra without hesitating.  Well, I picked out our tree like normal (with the help of Emmiline and Eloise).  The workers kept commenting on how big the tree was.  The gentleman who showed it to us took us back behind the building to a special stash of trees.  Obviously, the tree would need to be transported to be cut and prepped.  The girls and I went inside to pay.  As we waited at the front of the store I probably should have realized this tree was a little too big when I saw them carrying it via a large forklift.  Then when they told me it was too big for their drill press (because our special tree stand), and it was way too large to run through the netting machine... well, you'd think something might have sunk into my brain.  It didn't.  I only got more excited.  Then, when it required 3 grown men to lift it on top of the car, you might assume I'd have realized this was too much tree... still not registering.  We'll just say that Clark Griswald (aka, my dad) would be proud.  So far, no squirrels in the tree.  However, just like Clark, I got to use a chainsaw inside my house today.  It's not very often I get to do that.

Yes, those are double doors behind the tree.

Every year I say the same thing to Kelly, "It doesn't look that big when it's outside."  She's quick to reply, "You say that every year."  Well, she's right.  Pretty obvious that we all develop patterns of response... even if they're not always wise.  I'll think about that more another time though.

In addition to being like my dad I was reminded of how I've longed for my dad's approval all of my life. The crazy thing is that he has always given it.  I've never questioned or doubted it, but I've also sought it relentlessly all my life.  He's always been affectionate and supportive.

Last night I watched the movie, "Rudy."  I accidentally stumbled onto it on cable, and I couldn't turn it off.  I own about 5 movies that aren't kid movies.  "Rudy" is one of them.  Every time I watch that movie... I ball my eyes out.  Been processing why that is.  Maybe because he too desperately longed for the approval of his father.  Maybe it's because he too didn't feel especially gifted in any way, but he gave his all in efforts to be more than adequate.  Man, that movie always touches me.  Always stirs within me a desire to commit to something much bigger than myself... go after it with all that I am and all that I have.

As I continue to press deeper, thinking maybe I relate even more because of how I've longed to earn the approval of my Heavenly Father.  I've never felt especially gifted in any way.  Felt like my greatest gifting was probably steadfastness.  Much like Rudy Rudegger.

As a result I can gravitate toward two different paths.  I can persevere and remain steady through hell and high water.  Faithful to use my gifts.  Or, I can became jealous of the giftings / blessings of others.

Seem to spend time on both of those paths still.

Grateful for truths that remind me who I am... remind me of the approval that's already been achieved for me through Christ.  At the same time... still tired from battling the flesh.