cocoon in Charli's room

Right now I am sitting in room 242 listening to Charli cry/complain in the little cocoon we have made for her.  We are trying to help her fight all the distracting invitations that surround her.  She needs rest but is fighting it... too much stuff... pains, noises, people, changes, intrusions, and probably fears.  We had to cocoon her... we had to help shield her from all the stuff that was robbing her of what her body needs.

I think I need the Lord to do this for me.  I need Him to cocoon me.  So, so many distractions...  so much working against progress, growth, and rest.  It is so hard for me to find sanctuary.  Just like Charli I often let the chaos around me steal my rest.

I know the Lord is inviting me to experience peace in the midst of the waves that push, pull and toss.  I am trying to remember truth words that HOPE IS AN ANCHOR.  Oh, that I would be cocooned in truth, faith and hope.

Our hearts are longing for so many things... things that we thought we had buried a year ago.  We want Charli to eat.  We want her to thrive.  We want our family to do life together.

I want to be honest in sharing that it's in these times that my true character flaws are revealed.  I am holding on to the rope of faith, but I have some serious blisters and thread cuts from the slipping.  I am short-tempered, irritable, quick to speak and slow to listen.  At moments I am strong, and others I am an easy target.  Another gross fact is that I struggle to not be angry with Charli.  Does she not come from my womb... my blood?  How could she not love to eat?  All the Vaughans love food... all of us!  The bigger the portion the better.  It makes me crazy that she won't even drink what most kids would love.  I can't even get her to eat baby peaches, applesauce, pureed bananas.  UGH!  In my flesh I want to discipline her.  In my heart I am forced to wrestle with the truth.  I cannot control her.  I cannot make her.  I cannot fix her.  I cannot make her thrive.  I can only offer.  I hate feeling completely out of control.  Hate!  The real issues lie with me and my sin not her... she just reveals what needs to be refined.

I do not want to miss what the Lord has for us in this.  I have learned through hard experiences that God most often chooses His timetable and not mine.  So I will rest in the knowing that he redeems all things.  I know that Charli is entrusted to me to share, and sometimes that means that we make our story available through hospital stays.  It doesn't mean I like it... it just means I will choose obedience and ask for the Lord to cocoon me with His love... with His truth.  It is in that cocoon that I will thrive through adversity and distraction.  It provides a tightly knit place for me to focus on what is most important... because infections on this earth always resurface in some form or another.  I am thankful to be a daughter of the Great Physician.

Charli is resting quietly.  Pastor is munching on some grapes.  My girls are cruising around the gift shop.  We are all just taking it moment by moment.  I will try another bottle soon.  She needs a supernatural hunger and liking to her new meal plan.  Please pray against the enemy's work.  Pray for the miraculous.  Pray for speedy recovery.  No real new news.  Just praying for God to finish the work He started in the NICU.  Charli is a living example that He alone can fill... He gives the appetite, and He nourishes, and as the other sheep and I read last night and boldy proclaimed, He is a God that FILLS FULL!

Praying for the power of heaven to invade earth and touch Charli... and while I am asking... touch all of us as well. 

Thankful for cocoons and rest and tiny sheep that accept their strange tasting food so that life abundant may flow.

2nd bottle DOWN!