the better

seems like things are always changing... some for the better... some not so much.  I have almost made it through Pastor's first works trip.  The week has been good but not without many tears.  I have cried a good bit.  Most of my tears regarded fears and frustration with Charli and the rest stemmed from deep dark places that are trapped in my heart and seem to only surface in the dental chair.  Nothing like letting the "rivers flow" in the presence of total strangers... especially when they just think you are overreacting to some dental discomfort.  Yesterday was a doozy!  My heart and mouth took a beating.  Glad for a new day, being able to fill my tongue and lips again, and beautiful sunshine.  The Vaughans are motioning toward better... even if it's at the pace of a slow crawl.

As I talk to Pastor I notice that things continue to change in him as well.  His language is changing.  His passions are growing, and God is stirring in the new.  Dayton is already becoming home and Vineyard our family.  I long to be there.  I long to learn and offer my gifts.  Pastor has a job... a really rich one.  I am thankful that as he has returned to a church job he isn't returning to the "same old."  He is longing for better.

I think that as God encourages change he doesn't want us to desire the "same old."  He wants us to be grabbers of the impossible... those hungry for better.  It's easy to return to the familiar.  It is risky for the heart to desire better.

Charli...oh my, Charli.  It would have been easy for us to desire that she just return to the "old Charli." We remember, but I didn't want that.   I want better for her.  She deserves better than the brokenness that she was living in.  She is changing.  It is so beautiful.  She is full of life and joy.  She smiles and giggles... points and plays.    She is living the better... she is alive with life and it invites me to again, hunger for better.

I wonder how many times I have settled for what has been instead of what could be?  I see that God has given me a child-like faith in many ways... as I dream like a child it also means I grieve like a child... often and hard.  Living with your heart open can be very painful but it also keeps you alive with hope.

We are still praying for miracles over here on Ridgegate Lane... some for our family and some for others.  No matter what I will pray for all types of miracles because I believe in the Miracle Worker.  These eyes have seen miracles so this heart will keep praying to see more... lots.  So very thankful for all those who pray miracles over us and also allow themselves to be the tools of the miraculous.

He is better than His gifts, but He is in the gifts He gives so they are also worthy of the seeking.  As Pastor has shared, I am a bit tricky.  I always want more.  It is true.  When it comes to life, the kingdom, the church, family, my heart... I will always fight for the better... just like a child... I don't know how to do small dreams.