Well, this morning I actually had breakfast with Larry Crabb. He's been one of my favorite authors for the last 15 years. Quite a personal, enjoyable guy...
Anyways, the time with him was basically him just asking questions. He seemed curious about me. There were no apparent techniques or jedi mind tricks. “Exploring” might be a good word to describe it.
Somehow we stumbled onto something I had missed. Most of my life I've considered myself to be fairly steady. I'm not especially great at anything, but I've been pretty steady. It's not my first choice in terms of giftings, but I guess it could be worse. Together we realized that “steady” seems pretty dull. I think “steady” might be the by-product of my upbringing. For some reason I never let myself feel strong feelings / emotion. Very, very rarely do I remember feeling extremely angry or sad or even excited. I definitely did not ever express extremely strong feelings. Somehow I didn't permit myself to feel fully alive...maybe afraid it wouldn't be accepted. Larry sensed an aliveness and spoke what I call, “life words” into me.
Enjoying feeling more alive than I can remember feeling ever before... yet, I still long for much more of it. Very much aware that I've substituted for a false sense of aliveness for years in such lesser things... even my dearly beloved survival television shows. (I'll continue to love those, but maybe I'll be attentive to what stirs within me as I enjoy them...)
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