When it comes to the freedom that God offers us, I don't feel like I have enjoyed much of it most of my life. I have chosen to be enslaved. I know... why would I choose that? Not sure... maybe it feels safer.
I was thinking tonight about my “righteousness.” By that, I don't mean the righteousness of Christ that is credited to my account. I mean my self-righteousness... my efforts to make sure I communicate to people that I know whatever and can do whatever. It comes in more forms than I could count. I'll share a few. Very gross stuff...
Dessert righteousness... a few of my friends playfully teased me about snagging 3 or 4 desserts the other night. I made sure everyone knew that it was “only” my second dessert. Why was it so important that I made that public?
Book righteousness... this is the gross practice of a lot of pastors. We like to quote authors (and speakers) to make us appear well-read and intelligent. Seems power is usually passed through relational connecting and love... not pompous arrogance.
Firing righteousness... when I tell people that I was released from my job in May, usually my immediate action is to explain the circumstances. It doesn't really matter. I don't need to explain.
Bathroom righteousness... this may sound crazy, but I want others to know that I know proper bathroom etiquette. Yesterday someone initiated a very meaningful conversation with me... the problem is that I was trying to tinkle in a public restroom, and he was in my personal space... and, no, he was not tinkling as well. He was just standing, leaning... I could tell that he cared for me, but somehow I needed him to know that I know proper bathroom etiquette (even if he doesn't).
Anyways, it may sound contradictory (which fits perfectly with who I am), but I am also enjoying more freedom than I can remember feeling... ever. This is completely random, but yesterday I felt like putting my mouth under the fountain drink machine. I had always wanted to try it. I knew I wasn't contaminating anything (and no one was around)... so I did it. It was messy, but it felt good to do. Again, I'm aware that's a weird example, but that's okay because I'm weird (aka awkward).
Lastly, I received one of the greatest gifts of my life tonight. Inside an envelope were many letters full of words of truth and encouragement from very dear friends. I cannot communicate the gift their words are to my heart. They give me greater freedom to be the Adam that God intended me to be... through Christ in me. Very grateful. Free, but still wanting more...
Adam,
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing your heart and I mean that. Not just saying it, we are praying for you and your family and would do anything to get you to come here and shepherd us. So thankful for the gift that you have been given in your time with Larry Crabb and his staff.
Good stuff here, but seems to me, people that don't know bathroom etiquette should be informed of such! Just saying. Wonder if George Washington addressed that in his Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior. (book righteousness there) No, I guess not, there were probably only outhouses, but he did say in rule #12 "...bedew no mans face with your Spittle, by approaching too near him when you Speak." Praying that the right place for your ministry will be known in the proper time and for the little things too, like your family's insurance coverage.
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