Introspective

This just makes me laugh

This is Shorty. Yes, her eyes are big and beautiful, but the magnifying glass makes her eye freakishly huge. This picture and the pictures below illustrate something I've been thinking about for the last day or two.

I've mentioned in previous blogs how my theology has messed me up. Don't get me wrong, I love theology. I think my theology is right, but I have deceived myself through it. By thinking my framework of thinking / logic (finite and flawed) was sufficient to filter out the movement and voice of God, I've missed Him. I know God is the God of order, but He also works in crazy ways... peek at some of the weird things OT prophets like Elijah and Ezekiel did.

Anyways, back to these pictures... Kel and I have been reading a couple different things together, and one thing hit me extra hard recently. I've always held very firmly to what I believe is a biblical view on man's depraved nature and original sin. I try to be introspective... examining my own heart, looking at my motives, looking under rocks (like crawdad hunting) = meaning, trying to look beneath the surface of my actions and responses. I've tried to live a fairly reflective / examined life. I think this is a good thing.

These two pictures represent how I've lived much of my life.

However, I've spent so much time looking for my flaws, my sins, what's behind the pattern of responses, etc... well, I end up taking my eyes off of God. Again, my eyes are right back on me! I'm preoccupied with me! God wants to conform me more into the image of Christ... yes, I know this. At the same time I'm called to be about His Kingdom's work in the here and now! He can use me whether my character is where it should be or not. If I become consumed by my unworthiness, I take away from the worthiness of Him! “It's a perversion of holiness when introspection causes my spiritual self-esteem to increase, but my effectiveness in demonstrating the power of the gospel to decrease.” (author not mentioned)

Still learning. Still waiting. Still growing more and more tired while waiting. Grateful He's still teaching me... even when I'm such a slow learner.