Still waiting

Wondering what’s next.  Wondering if God might be telling me to create something.  Maybe I’m supposed to start something very new and different.  Maybe I’m supposed to work a secular job.  I would continue to pastor, but maybe I’m supposed to do it without a paycheck.  Maybe I’m supposed to find an existing church to work at… or maybe not.

Still curious.  Time has been moving quite quickly.  Still dreaming.  Still wanting more… much more.  Kel and I have said that we feel like we’re doing “church” better than we ever have.  I know this requires clarification.  First, sad that the word, “church,” has to be explained.  Second, what I mean when I say we’re doing church better… we’re more intentional about worship, about His word, about speaking truth, about the Sabbath, about seeking Him, about a life anchored in His hope, about surrendering (we don’t have many other options), about loving, about the relational component that is church.  Somehow this part seems to get diluted away sometimes.  Don’t think too much of us… even in the midst of all of that, it’s still best described by fumbling, bumbling and stumbling.

Seems strange that we’re more about passionate about the church and more intentional about living it, but we don’t have a church home.  Sounds contradictory, but when I think it through it doesn’t really feel contradictory at all.  We may not officially have a church home,… but beginning to feel very much like our home is a church.  Nothing sacrilegious meant by that… just the coming and going of people from the house… doing life, sharing struggles, pursuing hope, asking questions, wrestling because we can’t find answers, learning to be okay simply with the wrestling, attentively listening for the Spirit, messing up all the time, laughing together, crying together, celebrating together,…

Learning.  Realizing more and more how much I still need to learn. 

Will continue to wait.  Feels like it’s becoming more difficult to wait.  It makes sense in my head that I’d get better at waiting with practice, but unfortunately it’s not really panning out that way.  Becoming a greater struggle to wait… as for now I’ll keep on keeping on… still dreaming.  Still waiting.