I found this certificate this week. I had never seen it before. When I opened it and saw what it was, it totally took my breath away. I literally couldn't breathe as tears flooded my eyes. How had I not seen this? I believe this treasure was discovered at just the right moment. This is a certificate proclaiming life over my still-born son, Lincoln. He died in my womb before I ever got to see him. I was shocked as I processed the words on this sheet. I am sure UT hospital had no idea how much this would impact my heart over a year after his death. "Certificate of Life." Yes! I can celebrate, Lincoln, though I will never feed him, cuddle him, read to him or tuck him into bed...he is more alive than I am at this moment. He is free in ways that I can only dream of being. I don't know who is in charge of issuing these certificates, but I wonder if they know the truth about our Great God? I wonder if they truly understand what this means to my longing heart? My son Lincoln and my son Tucker are ALIVE. Oh, how I long for the day when I will get to see them. Having Elliott under my wing only intensifies the longing in me. He is my prince that stirs delight and longing for what will never be here on earth.
This certificate is currently hanging on my fridge. After showing it to Adam and really talking about the power of these words I felt the Spirit inviting us to see this certificate as a CALL TO LIVE. God has been on the move in some pretty painful ways over the last few years. I don't want to waste anything. I want God to redeem all of our story whether I can see it or not. I think that's why I am so passionate about fighting for what may be next for our family. Losing my sons and seeing how fleeting life is makes me hunger for more. I want to fully live. I want to dance and dream and risk for the Glory of God. I don't want to do something just because we have always done it that way. I want to have Spirit-alive eyes and the willingness to risk and obey. It may seem very contrary to the world and maybe even the church, but I don't think it's contrary to the Spirit of God. I believe He delights in us choosing risk and life, and I am CERTAIN He delights in my sons. With the Spirit's help, I long to honor the Lord and the lives of Lincoln and Tucker. I CHOOSE TO LIVE.
This picture also hangs in our home to remind us and all who enter that we may appear to be a family of 6, but we are living, hoping, dreaming, risking and remembering that we are in fact a family of 8 and unless God increases our quiver, we always will be.
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