Tomorrow's my last day

Well, tomorrow’s the last day that I’ll be at the office.  I doubt I’ll be there long.  I’ll try to quickly stuff my car full one more time.  Transport a giant Plinko board back to Two Rivers.  Turn in my keys.  Turn in my laptop.  Vow to never give the secret handshake again.  I might climb up the ladder in Kristen’s office.  I’ve never actually seen where that goes.

Anyways…the more I think about tomorrow and what it symbolizes the more sad it makes me.  This is really real.  It’s over.  A sense of belonging and team… well, that’s gone.  How’d I get here?  What’s going to go through my mind as I look around my office for the last time?  Will I break down into tears as I see the pictures of students’ faces mounted on my walls?  Not sure what to expect, but not looking forward to it.

It seems people who study social and mental development like to talk about “markers” and “milestones.”  Well, this will definitely go down as a significant marker in my life.  I never thought I’d be fired.  How will this affect not only future jobs but even applying for future jobs?

As I walk out of the church for the last time I think I might let the door hit me in the behind (pronounced “bee – hine”) just for closure.  Nothing feels like Fellowship is kicking me out on my bottom, but it somehow feels like the right thing to do.  I know that’s probably a little awkward, but I’m embracing my awkwardness these days.

What in the world does the Lord have in store for me?  In my mind I compartmentalize things into these categories of consciousness.  I think tomorrow when I walk out of the church the next season of my life will have officially begun.  Not sure what that season has in store.  Hopeful, but afraid of more disappointment.  The canvas seems so empty and blank.  I’m not used to that.  There’s a sense of excitement, but it’s also very scary.

On a positive note I am really looking forward to wearing my “Awkward” t-shirt again tomorrow.  I think I’m going to get a lot of good use out of that thing.  Speaking of awkward, I’m trying something very different and new.  You know how people offer words of praise or encouragement to you?  Well, I’m prone to do one of the following things:  1) I deflect the statement by – giving all the credit to Christ, pointing the words of affirmation back on them (“you’re always so kind to say these things.  God’s given you such a gift.”), attempting to say something funny to distract them for the words of love or 2) downplay their words of encouragement (“Oh, I’m really not as _____ as you think.  Trust me.  If you knew me, you wouldn’t be impressed.)  Either option I’m really deflating people by robbing them of the gift of speaking love.  It’s really so awkward to receive love words at times.  I don’t know what to say or do… even when I have received these words in a typed message.  However, I’m trying to simply accept them now.  I’m not saying I’m worthy of praise by any means.  I think I’m just owning that I’m robbing someone of a blessing when I don’t accept their offering of love.  How do you do with this?  Do you accept the love offerings made to you through other peoples’ encouragement?  It may be awkward, but embrace these offerings… it will bless both parties.