Adam and I have had many discussions about this topic over the past few weeks. I feel like we are infants in so many areas with so much to learn most of which seems painful. Lamenting is one of those words I think we hear about in scripture but choose to run from. Honestly, lamenting is something I would like to run from. There are large parts of me that hates lament. Running from Lament is no longer an option for my heart or my family. Most of you know our stories. Many of you have put on your boots and climbed in the messy waters with us. And, Some of you have even breathed for us when we no longer had breath of our own. God has shown my heart that Lament is a part of walking out life in a broken world. Today I feel much like the weather outside….gray with hints of sunshine. I find myself wondering how does a woman lament in a way that brings God the most glory? Today, I am not really grieving the loss of Adam’s job. As I have shared with many of you we have been through harder things than this. Today my heart is aching for friends and family members with sick children…waiting for answers…struggling to hope and crying out for mercy. Jobs come and go but our family is different. God has also been reminding me that everything we have has been entrusted to us for a “season.” I hate this just as much as I hate lament. I feel very emotional about this. This is so easy to talk about in theory and so hard to really live out. I don’t really care about my “stuff.” Don’t get me wrong, I like my stuff but it’s not a part of my heart. My family….that is a whole different story. I LOVE MY FAMILY….truth be told, it’s probably an idol. Entrusted…..wow!!! They aren’t mine. The Lord is sharing them with me . They are His. Today I have precious people in my life that are physically suffering from unknown causes. God is allowing us to wait and trust. I do trust in the Lord but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel!
I have really, really, really been wrestling with what a steadfast woman looks like. I so desire to be this woman not for any other reason than I long to be free and faithful. Most of my life I have viewed steadfastness as a robotic, emotionless response to God during hard times. Today I am sensing that steadfastness means that I am clinging to the One who promises and constantly reminding myself He is faithful. I still get angry. I still get worn out. I still ask. I still lament . God has not asked me to be a robot but He has asked me to offer Him all of me and trust. This will no doubt be a life-long process.
So, today, as I celebrate the rich blessings God has brought into my world I also take many long pauses to lament the brokenness too. So many people with stories of hurt. How do I enter in? How can I be an instrument of hope? God is equipping this slow student to lament, share in sorrows and rejoice in blessings for often they are one in the same.
Desiring steadfastness in times of joy and lament for life is a CONTINUAL cycle of both.