A new learning adventure begins tomorrow as the smalls and I start to familiarize ourselves with a new city. Exploring the new while our permanent home is still very much on Ridgegate Lane. My feet have been caught between two worlds since we interviewed with the Vineyard... totally dreaming of what is coming and totally grounded by what is. Most days I feel like my desires are outgrowing my body.
I feel strange.
I feel lost.
I feel silly.
I feel like him...
Poor fellas!
O.k. so I realize my boy is 4 and this little number is for a 2year-old, but I just couldn't resist... do you see how miserably adorable he is?
This little prince... wanting to honor his crazy momma and totally aware he has outgrown his monkey attire. He's just getting to big to fit in what surrounds.
He and his momma do some chatting... he is thankful. She sees it too. It frees him up...
somehow the naming gives way to rest... stretching is painful but growing is good... it is right.
It is healthy for progress to be measured.
Growth means health... health means increased life... and a small growing big means old treasures have to be replaced with the new.
Most change takes some gettin' used to. It means learning to wear the unfamiliar around.
Change has become a friend. She still knows how to startle me though. Sometimes the process is like watching a movie in "still" mode... other times... it's like a small rounding a corner and yelling "boo!"
You can't predict when she's coming... you just know that she is... and so...
it's just best to offer friendship and a grin... because unlike the monkey suit she isn't going anywhere.
Today... I feel like a princess trapped in a monkey suit that I can't get out of. I have been asked to stay in a life-garment that I feel is much too small. I am tempted to believe the lie that I know best.
I dressed the little prince in this very handsome ensemble because it brought my heart great joy to see the growing boy be child-like. It brought play. Play is always a gift.
Even as I type I think that in the midst of my longing my Good Daddy wants what I want for my prince. He wants me to wear the attire of play. Each day has enough growing pains of it's own... He wants me to dream..
but today He has given me unhurried windows to play with the small and I don't want to get "too big for my britches."
What could be better than to be fully present and play with him...
and the other 3 little monkeys running around my house. What greater calling is there?
So until my friend, Change, really does come and beckons me, "move." I will sing reminders to be present and play... I'll wear my stretched seams proudly knowing that a wardrobe change is coming... all too soon... it is coming... and
One day I will long for my monkey suit again.
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