beautiful learner

I've been having a lot of sacred talks with the princesses lately.

It is a large assignment to prepare warrior-princesses for womanhood.  The battle grows more fierce each day.  The enemy longs to destroy the hearts and beauty of the beloved.  His lies have held me captive on and off my entire life... it is part of my calling to guard the stories of the small.

As I have shared with Emmiline and Eloise the importance of being grounded in truth I have had to swallow hard my own words of life.  Do I live and believe that which I teach?  Do I rest in the beauty that comes from my Father and not my face?  Do I see through the lenses of the world and it's standards, or are my sights set on what is certain?

I am more at rest than I have ever been in regards to my appearance, but I am still broken.  A woman of great beauty lies underneath my uncombed hair and Pastor's socks.

So does insecurity... it dies hard.  If I had more energy, I would return to my old pal... striving.  He is devastatingly comfortable.

I'm glad distressed and shabby chic are in... messy charm suits me just fine.

The question I must answer for myself is what do I really believe to be true about ME?  I am aware that my physical flaws are at their peak....
This, my 35th year of life, shows more wrinkles... scars... wounds and wear.
From the worlds eyes I am rustier than ever.

My eyes are learning to see great beauty in the signs of life.

Sure... I still have days where I wish I could wave a wand and change something... but most often I am just a woman on a journey... walking on the pathways toward rest.

I will not deceive you... this path... my path... has many potholes... when I hit one... the lies ring loud, and I often entertain their poisonous lullabies.  All the what if's consume, and I want to escape my skin and run.  I don't like feeling emotionally out of control... I have become unreasonably calculated in this decade of life.  Regimens have become my prison.
I know with my mind...

I feel with my heart... but...

Most days...

I still feel trapped.  I can't choose my way out of my pit... 

I have to be rescued.  

I see great beauty in me for the first time in my life, but it's still a beauty shackled.  I would love to say differently, but it would be a lie.  I am afraid, and I cannot change it on my own.  I spend most of my days crying out for freedom, and it will take His supernatural hand to bring release.

In the meantime...
the Greater is teaching the very small to... "give thanks and steward well the beauty entrusted."

This is a newer song for me... but I am a learner, and with each day I grow more confident with the motion of thanks.

So... as I continue to speak truth into smaller stories... I am forced to make peace with my own.  Not only do I want to see my beauty... I want to memorize it... draw it out... delight in it... 

enjoying art gives praise to the Artist.

After all..

If the Kings sings over my beautiful song... should't I follow His lead in the dance?

Still learning and still tripping over my two left feet.

Still praying for supernatural rescue and giving thanks... I invite you to join in... for me... for you... for the body.

Proverbs 31:30... beauty is fleeting... oh how I see...
longing to be a woman who gets all her beauty from fearing the Lord...
her beauty is unfading.