Seems everywhere I look I see lists from 2011. By “everywhere” I mean, newspapers, internet and TV. Decided to make a little list of my own for 2011. Tried to summarize the year in my life (AV). Will appear a little random and disjointed, but I’ll try to tie it together at the end. Definitely an opportunity to eavesdrop on a year of my story.
January – I was offered by one of my bosses to receive counseling at Ebenezer Counseling Services. I hadn’t thought of going to counseling until he suggested it. He thought it would be helpful for my heart… sorting and processing. You might think that only “whackos” and the “really messed up” need to see professional counselors. Well, I’d just say that we’re all “whackos,” and we’re all “really messed up.” Glad that I now feel comfortable professing that out loud. Receiving counseling was an amazing experience in so many ways. It provided a place to discuss the loss of my sons. It also enabled me to deeply feel (sounds simple, but I had never done this). Allowed me to realize that my voice is valuable… it’s worth sharing. Lastly, seems in ministry it’s difficult to communicate hurts and frustrations. Don’t ever want to poison the water so I’ve kept wounds and disappointments to myself. Counseling was so healthy for me because it gave me a safe place to be able to share things that I kept contained.
January marked the beginnings of several appointments with this counselor… it marked the birth of something new… restoring… empowering… freeing.
February – Not a whole lot stands out from February… Many appointments. Much of “life.” Was given a gift. That gift was being given the privilege to baptism a friend. Sweet memory.
March – Lu turned 9! Won’t hit all my kids birthdays… just hard to believe that my firstborn turned 9! She’s so like me in quite a few ways… both good and bad! Feel like I have so much I still want to impart to her… afraid she’s picked up some of my struggles. Hoping she finds freedom at an earlier age than I began finding it.
Got to go backpacking with high school guys. Such fun. Repeating the same funny phrases over and over and over… never gets old to me. Combination of two things that bring me much life… time with people I love and being in the outdoors.
April – Anniversay, married 13 years on April 18, 2011. Orlando, Disney World. Peabody Hotel… you wouldn’t believe it if I told you. The hotel room… unbelievable. Generosity of a friend in Florida… truly mind-boggling.
May – Got fired. Pretty complicated. Left with my head held high. Think I did what I was called to do… definitely loved my peeps very much. Still do. Could always have done it better, but agreed that I was not the right guy for what they wanted done. Still love the church, but sensed the Lord had released me… Always a messy situation. Seems this event is a marker in my journey though… so much birthed out of this. Freedom. Sense of inadequacy. Hope and excitement. Fear.
Learning to press into the awkward. Kel gave me a shirt that says, “Awkward” (to celebrate the awkwardness). Began to embrace the awkwardness of life... willing to press into that which is awkward.
Started a blog. Never thought I’d do that. Still don’t read blogs (unless my wife’s writing it).
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| This image marks the beginning of the blog and really of a change in seasons. |
June – Got to go to Larry Crabb’s “School of Spiritual Direction.” Never felt so alive. Went from describing myself as “steady,” to “alive.”
Went to Alaska with my Pop. Lifelong memories. Such an amazing trip. Truly, a dream come true.
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| I was welcomed home with an enormous print of the above picture. A treasure to me. |
July – beginning of the month began dialogue with Elizabeth from the Vineyard in Dayton, Ohio.
Began reading from a new list of authors. Spirit-alive growing. Anticipation growing. Picture of God so much bigger.
August – Much waiting. Searching. Struggling. Continued interviewing with this church. Hoping. Wrestling.
September – Stopped using my old planner. Actually, stopped letting my old planner use me. This is a monumental. Truly, a milestone. Think I’d mark this as the beginning of moving toward healing of some OCD issues. “Beginning” being the key word.
Kelly and I had our first face to face interview with the Vineyard in Ohio. God told her quickly that this is where we need to be. He waited about telling me. Fear kept me from believing / listening.
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| Hard to get this mammoth to scale... no, this is not a Bible. It's the planner, and it is far bigger than you think. |
October – Another face to face interview with pastors from the Vineyard.
October 19th, I was sitting at Starbucks. Reading. Praying. Thinking. Brainstorming. Received an email from Elizabeth while sitting in Starbuck’s… they offered me the job!
November – Charli spent 5 days in the hospital. November 7th, the same day Charli was released from the hospital I started as the “Making Disciples Pastor” at the Vineyard… began commuting back and forth from K-town to Dayton, Ohio for work.
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| Charli starting to feel better in her hospital bed... trying to peek out from her jail cell. |
December – Starting to develop some relationships with my new church family.
December 11th, Elliott accepted Christ as his Savior. So much celebration.
Throughout the year my wife got even more beautiful. Fell deeper in love with her. Respect her more than ever. Gifts she’s had in the passed have grown increasingly strong. However, latent gifts have become manifest in her… gifts that are blowing my mind away because of their power for the Kingdom.
My theology hasn’t really changed per se, but my picture of God is changing drastically! My spirit seems to hear Him in a fresh, new way. I expect more. I long for more. I pursue more. Striving to pastor my family well. With more intentionality.
Overall an extremely difficult year. Many months with no paycheck. Health insurance issues.
So many struggles with Charli… too many to rehash. Many of them having to do with my own sin nature.
Volatility in AV… very new and different for me. Excited and expectant to depressed and fearful… back and forth.
Without a church home... felt like I had no church family.
It’s been a great year. Wrestling with hurt and anger. Much, much struggle. Yes, you did read, “it’s been a great year” correctly. I did mean to say that.
Much refining. Maybe refining is not the right word. Been thrown back into the fire completely… re-shaped, re-purposed… still trying to figure out how to do what I was made to do.
Wouldn’t have realized that it's truly been an incredible year if I hadn’t thought about all the events together, but it’s been one of the best years of my life… actually, I think it’s safe to go so far as to say, “the best year of my life.”
A year of greater change than any other year that I can remember.
Even changed the way I view change. Different person. Don’t say that meaning I’m so mature now. Just mean that I’m different. Glad to be different.
Hunger for the Lord.
Expectant. Miracles. Him speaking, working, revealing…
Freedom.
So much change (not just in our circumstances) but also our hearts and minds… the price has been very costly, but the reward has been so worth the price. Great rewards do cost much. Learning to take the risk to pursue the great… even though I know it could potentially be terrifyingly costly.
Grateful for the opportunity. Still sensing the Lord has more in store for me. Still longing for further breakthrough. Still sensing He’ll ask me to take a greater risk. Still listening.
Feel like we’re moving into 2012 with much momentum. Excited about the year. Think God’s going to do amazing things this year. Hoping to be a part of it.
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