a new song

It's official.  I am 35... at least until I forget again.  My brain is not great with numbers.  I will blame it on the extreme trauma my body has endured over the last several years.

My birthday was sweet.  It had some highs and lows but overall... I had eyes to see many beautiful gifts.  I would love to share a few...
Many beautiful life words were offered to me
My children surprised me with breakfast in bed
Charli ate well... her gift to me... and, she enjoyed bites from an allergen-free grilled cheese from Earthfare... a first... and no puke... huge blessing!
Surprises from friends
Fresh fruit
Gifts that celebrated me, my children here, and the ones dancing with Jesus

Hope reminders
Public praises from Pastor from far away
Tears
a serving and blessing Mommy
a birthday walk
little hearts focusing on Advent
really... way too many to list... I know, I am blessed...
well, maybe one more...
my raw ice cream sundae... Happy Birthday to my tummy...

As I reflect on my day yesterday I recall two things that really stand out.  The first is an answer to prayer.  On the eve of my 35th birthday I asked something of my Good Daddy.  I asked Him to give me a new song.  I used to lead worship all the time.  I haven't felt God asking me to do this for years now.  The past few weeks I have felt a stirring... so I asked.  Give me ears to hear your song.  I want to sing it with the angels... here... while I am on earth.  So... on my birthday morn I grabbed my guitar, and I poured out a love offering to the Lord.  You will never find this song on the top 10 charts or even youtube, but it was a beautiful time between a daughter and her Kind.  Ahhh... what a gift it was to Him, indeed! But, it was one that I received too.  No flash, no perfection, just a longing heart, a guitar, fumbling fingers, tears and some small gatherers that chimed in as well.  My heart is heavy with thankfulness as I recall that gift.  I am changed by it.  The gift I wanted more than anything is the one that I got.  I SENSED GOD'S NEARNESS... and, I sensed Him in my affection-filled praise.

The second was almost as equally as touching.  It started with reading a card from my earthly daddy.  I was expecting just a traditional, generic "Happy Birthday, " but when I opened the card his words touched my fragile heart and brought life.  I ended my evening with my Daddy and I messaging back and forth on Facebook.  He shared the past aches of his heart and offered encouragement for mine.  We feasted on truth and shared affection for one another.  He was very present.  No joking.  No diversions... just an available and willing heart offering his crumbs of experience to his hungry, sister-daughter.  I ate and left full.  I sensed his heart for me, and it was a rich gift.  I never question his love for me.  He tells me all the time.  But, last night, I felt delighted in.  That is something I question... I know I am loved by many, but my heart longs to be delighted in... especially by my Daddy... both of them.

So, I didn't have a giant surprise party... good things since I didn't shower... no birthday cake, no candles to blow out... but, I had better.  This year for my birthday, I was filled with gifts... a house full of love and small touches, a bounty of kind words and actions... hope brought its gifts, laughter was alive... and,  words from a loving daddy were bestowed and received.  Best of all... this 35 year-old princess sang a new song with passion that had been quiet for some time.

And, the beautiful thing about this song is that I don't have to wait until next year to enjoy it again.  I CAN and WILL sing it for forever... until this forever translates to the next.  I will use this voice for His purposes "on earth as it is in heaven," until I get there... looks like I am one year closer.

Thanks for loving on me... singing still...