We'll start out with that endearing statement "remember when?"
"Mimi and Poppy Vaughan" older and more "seasoned" by life will recount how good God is to their grandchildren.
They will declare to the learning how His hand ALWAYS ushers in blessing even in our hurts.
We will pat the fruit of our smalls... rock in our chairs and smile.
Yes... that will be us...
But that is then and today is alive with tears.
We found out this evening (Wednesday) that the contract on our home fell through.
It felt like a punch in the stomach.
I fought against the lie that I am a fool... against shame... failure...
I am weary. I am sad. I want family... all of it.
Really the only thing I can relate it to is the miscarriage I had before Emmiline came to be.
Excitement was alive as we shared our news. So busy picking out names and dreaming about tiny clothes.
Cups full and overflowing.
Then our big day came... the official heartbeat visit... the day it all becomes official... we will see our seed beating with life...
Except... that wasn't what happened. The momma-hopeful only saw a lifeless little sac. My heart sank with ache... the main thing that stands out about that moment was a groan that came deep from my spirit... "He is good... no matter what happens."
I uttered those same words tonight as my smalls and I pulled out of Target... waiting to hear about Hope's House. It was if my soul knew something my mind didn't.
When the call came... ache took over and watered. The smalls and I talked and grieved together... I so longed for Pastor to be here... to tend and mend.
I asked Princess Emmiline... the proclaiming one... to give me a word... she had two...
BELIEVE and FIGHT... good words.
Crying and crying out tonight... most likely I'll cry some more.
But, I have lived through enough trial to know that His ways are always best. His timing perfect. He is at work in a realm unseen to my eyes... busily working on my behalf. Worship will remain my weapon... and I will sing it out...
He welcomes my tears and draws near in their midst.
As I look at the two beauties before me... I realize it is so very good for them to see their momma grieve. My tears keep me tender... it paves the way for vulnerability in their own stories.
Tonight... I feel much like Dorothy from the Wizard Of Oz... Clicking my orange sneaks...
He never stops doing me good.
He never stops doing me good.
He never stops doing me good.
Oh how He loves me... with a love that casts out ALL fear and makes me stronger in the wait.
This month's verse for Ridgegate Lane is from the all too familiar LOVE chapter...
Love...
Bears all things... believes all things... HOPES all things...
LOVE NEVER FAILS...IT NEVER ENDS!
Whether in grief or celebration I have have been beckoned by the King through the mouth of my eldest princess to... believe and fight...
So thankful for her story... knowing full well if the death of my first biggest dream hadn't occurred neither would she...
Singing then and singing now... always singing...
When it’s hard to believe in you
-Jamie Grace
Awww, I wish I could buy your sweet house. To know that every floor has been washed in lives lived committed to the Lord. The walls privvy to every spoken and unspoken prayer. Whoever ends up in your house will be entering upon holy ground. I envy {yes, I said the envy word} whomever that should be. I really, really wish it could be us.
ReplyDeletePraying a contract is nailed down ever so soon.
"Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." (C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory, p. 26)
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