letter learning

It takes ALOT of" putting into practice" in order to master.
I must confess...
I have mastered little in my 35 years of living.

The longer I live the longer I desire to learn... and that requires the redundant...

Going over and over and OVER things I have been taught.. 

Learned and so easily forgotten.

I need The Teacher to guide my hand...

I need Him to help trace the important into my heart... 

His leading... forms the letters through my little hands...

Oh... how I need his guidance... His teaching... His Bigness...

He is The Gentle Teacher... 

He does not grow weary of instructing... He does not grow tired of my forgetting... 

He simply sits at my side... instrument in hand... 

Teaching again...

Unable to comprehend His methods... I press into His heart.  He always speaks... "Trust."

I will need those words as He invites me into practice...

I take the tool and give it a go... Still at my side... He tenderly guides through His words... 

We partner... and I learn.

It doesn't resemble perfection... it sure doesn't look identical to The Teaching One's...

Grace abounds for the learning. 

Excellence not perfectionism... the goal.  

For... the learner giving up is not an option.

So we learn on... We keep asking... We keep studying, and we keep letting Him guide our hands.

Soon enough great strides are made.. and practice leads to....

PROGRESS... 

JOY...

And....

OF COURSE....  MORE PRACTICE...

In my story practice hasn't made perfect but it has made way for excellence.  Wanting to learn more about this subject as well. 

blooming

Pastor's wife has been watching and waiting for many things on Ridgegate Lane...
It has been the theme of my life for years now...
Seated firmly as a watch-woman... waiting for buds to blossom.

In the waiting  I have been a wrestler with confusion...

Questioning delays forever surfacing... 

Very recently He requested, "Rise and see"... 

Heeding the call  I promptly obeyed... 

Not looking left, right or behind...

Focus fixed on shadows of the Holy...

Faith births joyful excitement... 

I step into the awe...

Seeing color like never before and experiencing His power in night's dark.  The Walking One woo's me forward...

Baby steps are in abundance around here... so much learning... so much plopping down and rising back...

Ears perked and ready for instruction... hands open and ready to receive.

I love being a tool in His hand...

He is feeding my faith... and I am an addict...

Like a junkie... my eyes huge for the next encounter...  the next assignment...

Faith walking... ignites cravings for more steps...

The more I take the more I join the ranks of  "walkers"... 

I delight in forward motion and name changing...

As I see Him more I can't help but point out what He is up too... reflecting His light from the window of my soul.

Like a wobbly baby I step out... 

In faith...  

Longing for others to see the goodness of The Teaching One.

So much of my watching and waiting drenched in tears... 

now... dancing in morning's joy.  

It has come and continues...

Long marches adding strength to weak knees.  

Blessing the blooms each season brings... 

Especially joyful that the flowering seed that stirred up faith walking in me... now walks for herself.

Trailblazer

Pastor here today.  Enjoying a chance to share a few thoughts.

Saw this sign yesterday... 

man, for some reason I wanted to pull out all of my hair and my eyeballs when I saw it.  If you've seen me in the last decade, you're probably aware that my hair is coming out just fine on its own.  It doesn't need my help.  I am aware of this.

make sure you understand.  i'm not knocking how the church used to be done.  want to celebrate all that's happened in it and through it.  God's changed something inside of me.  i want to scream at this church because i want to fight, claw, clamor and cuss (if necessary... although probably not necessary)... to pursue the church being more... better... richer... different...  again, not taking away from tradition, but not wanting to settle any more.  ready to fight... for more.

before I continue this battle I need to wrestle with two questions that I sensed the Lord laid on my heart yesterday.

the first one has been bouncing around in my brain for the last few weeks, but yesterday it punched me in the chest when I saw this.

over the summer I felt convicted, invited and challenged to practice Sabbath.  by practice I mean celebrate.  not sure what happened.  the urgency and passion seemed to flicker away in some ways.  not completely though.

God even tells us to give the land a rest... even those who don't follow the Lord see the value in this.  the question was... "Remember the Sabbath, Adam?  What are you going to do about it?"  didn't receive it as any condemnation.  felt more like an invitation to delight, to rest, to restore, to receive more of Him.  still processing.

the other question also hit me while walking yesterday.

I walked on the path much of the way.

 part of the time I blazed my own trail.

blazing my own trail wasn't quite as easy...  mud, muck, stickers... much resistance, but it was also taking me to places others had not been.

sensing the Lord asking me if I'm going to follow the path... follow someone else's trail, or am I going to blaze some new trails.  i don't sense that there is sin in answering either way.

in the past I've always been one to follow an existing trail.  I do want to support the leaders above me.  I want to further clear the path; however, sensing it might be time for me to blaze some new trails... do many things very differently.

my shoes are already dirty... already moving in this direction.  might as well keep on pushing through... keep on blazing.  no telling what will happen.  excited to see though.

tillin' time

I've got the itch...
Spring is in the air...
You know it's right around the corner when the sun provides its warmth and glory...
You get all giddy inside... like seeing beauty about to break through the hard and bloom anew.
It's time to till the dormant.

Layers of untouched need stirring and replenishing... 

Intentional love in the form of sharp tools and tender hands... 

Remembering resurfaces.

I decided to bring a little sass to our mound this year...

Rain boots partnered with shorts in the sunny warm... 

Beholding last falls fruits...

It's fun to be a little off...

Most would say I am a lot off... 

Gardening in a field we hope to sell before harvest... tilling and sowing seed for someone else to enjoy.   "If you are planning on moving... why bother?"  They ask.

I've been processing this and asking myself the same... Passion arose as I remembered why we plant in the first place...

We are called to be hands that brings life to the dark...

It's not just about seeing and tasting the fruit... it's about partnering with The Gardener.  

It's about remembering our seeds that have died and celebrating their stories.

My heart becomes alive when I think about ministering to the land.  

Sacred time shared with the smalls... worshipping... and wondering... remembering and tilling... side by side... 

Today, we partake in fruit from the Divine.

I don't plan on being here to enjoy the other fruits of our labor.  And crazy enough it brings this wild great delight to know that others will be blessed by what the Hopefuls have planted... 

Mother and daughters seeding life...  

Ministry at its best.

Being Kingdom-minded calls for mind renewal.  It means my belly doesn't dictate the works of my hands... my heart is the tool.

Feeling so expectant as I massage the muck of what used to be.  Sensing God's delight as my very soul hungers to feed His body like I long to feed this soil.  

Joy-filled as I see myself blooming like spring... busting through the hard clay of selfishness creating a field cultivated in love.

The richest part of replenishing is seeing the delight it brings...

Being part of something that matters... to be gardening ones... lives that plant seeds knowing that God is The Title Holder of all.

So blessed... 

He calls me worthy... 

He entrusts me with His precious seeds.

Yes... it's tillin time for Pastor's wife... 

Deep in the dirt I am reminded....

He longs for his children to be bearers of His Image... seed planters... tillers... 

Generous ones that pour out and pour into... we don't reap for ourselves... we hunger for more...

He is the God of the land... seeds... and the seasons.  It's all for Him. 

I don't want to miss out on blooms whether on Ridgegate or in Dayton...  

The prayer my heart sings is one of desire... for all of my life to be a fertile field... 

Trusting in the hand that tills my heart.

changing faces

Unexpected beauty hides in the face of change...

Life overflows with its tossing seas... 

We cannot escape its waves... 

We might as well learn to swim with the current... let our hands embrace that which we cannot control...

We can try to scramble our way to shore... 

We can pretend we don't see... 

Rather than capture the beauty in change... we most often settle...

Posing and offering only a profile of who we really are...

But it doesn't change what is... truth always remains...

So many tidal waves of new swirling around me... 

It stirs up, and I have a choice... 

Will I give a playful wink to my frequent friend... 

or will I....

Close up... trying to ignore his realities...

I know what feels safe.

I know what I have done

Help me resist repeating that which does not honor...

Help me embrace the beautiful, shining light that grows change...

Grieve the season that's over... yes!

Cry... absolutely!

Be authentic... is there any other real choice?

Call out to God... every second!

Delight... perhaps I could!

Celebrate... now there's an invitation.

See emerging beauty and confidence in the new...

YES!  YES!  YES!

Almost a decade of being a momma... change still takes my breath away... especially when it comes to my smalls...

Everything is entrusted for a season... wanting to spend my seasons in the light... teaching, loving and playing.

I don't want to be glassy-eyed and indifferent to the One always bringing the new...

I want to have eyes-alive that take delight in the doodles of the near-deca princess...

Truth and declarations... some of the many fruits of change...

Growing faster than I would like...

Morphing into more beauty than I could've dreamed.

Give me a thankful heart... 

Not just for the beauty that comes in the light of the new... 

But also in the storms just before...

Give me eyes to see what You see...  beautiful changing faces that shine in Your light.

breaker breaker 1-9

There's just something about new adventures that awakens...

Riding in the risky and allowing the heart and body to fully feels brings something out we didn't know we needed...

It brings release... 

Release to be free and flourish...

To play...

Play is invaluable...

Caught spending most of our lives looking behind us we forget all the adventures yet to be had.

For many we must relearn the art of abandoning ourselves to play.  Oh... to be able to bottle up this laughter...  It speaks life to the full.

It is true... those who play well... attract play in others...

Before we know it they grab on from behind...

Longing desperately to be part of the adventure... with no room to ride they joyfully spectate...

Smalls are good teachers when it comes to crash courses in play... 

Laughter so often their locomotive of choice...  probably why scripture says it's good medicine.

Over time... those who are willing to pioneer and reenter the wild play... entice others on their own journeys, and they too want to take a spin...

A little timid with learning... the thrill seekers hit the pavement, and risk births it's reward to the driving one....

Freedom... Joy...  Alive... 

PLAY!

breaker breaker 1-9

The word is out...

Play is vital...

An important tool of the health for the heart.

No matter the age... 

Fully aware of how scary adventure and letting go of control can be...

I see the kindness of God shining warm...

As I let Him steer me towards the seemingly reckless... I discover that the Creator of Play is very much into carpools. 

He is so kind to provide little hands to steer. 

So thankful for the teachers of play in my story...

And extra thankful for those who trust enough to let me be in the driver's seat.

Sure long quiet drives are nice... but it's the bumps that give the butterflies...

Fasten your seat belts, ladies and gentleman... it's gonna be a wild ride!