New phrase

Been thinking and saying a new phrase a lot lately... My students still tease me about how I like to repeat certain statements over and over. Still aware I do it. Still completely okay with it.

Pic taken after eating roasted marshmallows

Anyways, before I share the phrase, wanted to share what I got to do yesterday and part of today. I had been planning on taking Emmiline and Eloise backpacking yesterday. With schedules and responsibilities it was just going to be the best timing to try to get away. Backpacking... not camping. Much different. Carrying everything you need or want on your back with you. Had been planning this for a long time. Actually, it took me at least 6 months to talk Emmiline into backpacking. She didn't lack interest and desire. It was the thought of using the potty in the woods that kept her from committing to go.

Well, we knew it was going to rain nearly all day and night, but we didn't want to miss our chance to go. Decided to try backpacking when weather was a little better. We settled for camping in spite of the weather challenges. May sound strange (since it rained almost non-stop for the first 12 hours), but we had such a great time.

This all to lead up to my new phrase... new motto. “Make the best with what you've got.” I know it sounds simple and remedial, but it's a good thing for me to constantly remind myself.

As I prepared for the camping trip, I tried not to buy anything for the trip. Knowing I needed rope (of course), I scrounged up any scraps of thick string / rope I could find. As I tied tarps up over the tent (and firepit!) I found myself using 5 different types of rope... several times it was little pieces tied together to make a longer piece.

I say that to share that as I attempt to “make the best with what I've got,” I want to always remind myself that I always have a lot! I always have more than enough!

I remember giving a talk many years ago. I shared a lesson God had taught me. Instead of comparing my giftings (or resources) to anyone else... instead of feeling jealous, frustrated or inferior... God's simply called me to be grateful and faithful with what I've got. And, again, I've always got a lot!

I mean that. In terms of having a lot, I'm truly loaded. The pictures below show a couple of the great gifts I've got.

again sometime?

Pastor's wife here.  It's a dark and rainy morning out.  I am sitting in our "screened in porch." Kim Walker and I are having some worship time together.  It's a perfect start to the day.

I woke up this morning communicating my heart to the Lord.  I want the favor of HIS presence.  I want to FULLY experience HIM.  He graciously brought something to mind.  Lately, my prince, Elliott has been asking one hundred million questions.  Remnants of my brain are all over my house as a result of his inquisitive nature.  It literally makes my head hurt.  One of his most common and favorite questions is at meal time.  If he is having something he enjoys after his initial bite, he will enthusiastically ask, "Can I have this again sometime?"

At first, it was endearing... later it was cute...now, well... not so much.  My initial thoughts were how much he appreciated the heart that I put into preparing his food.  Then, I just wanted him to be thankful in the moment.  I think this morning as I was praying God allowed me to learn from Elliot's longing for more.  He is enjoying the nourishment so much that he wants freedom to enjoy it with the certainty that there is more, and he has access to it.  It frees him up to enjoy in the moment.  He is tasting and seeing that it is good... and, he wants MORE!

My whole life I have been trained not to seek the "experience" of God.  While I do believe there is great truth in not just seeking an experience, it's also a VERY DANGEROUS mindset.   As I seek God, and He reveals... I become like Elliott... enjoying and so longing for more... I find myself asking... can we do this again sometime?

God wants us to experience Him.  He wants all of us.  He desires our head and our hearts.  He wants us to long for encounters with Him.  As we encounter Him it makes our bellies hungry for more... and as our hunger increases we find ourselves desperately seeking...  and His word makes it clear that those who desperately seek... WILL FIND.

Just like in Matthew 7, I am asking, seeking, knocking, and when the cycle is done I am gonna start right back over.  I will be like my 3 year old son that always wants more.  I want to experience Him everyday.  I want to see Him EVERYWHERE.  I want my heart to connect with His.  I am living to experience the One I am learning to know.  I am certain He is pleased when His children long to connect with Him.... because He is about relationships.

So, now when my little man asks, "Can I have this again?" I will remember my own hungry heart.  And, after taking a long breath...  I will smile and say what I believe my Good Daddy says to me, with joy, "you betcha!"

Rich nourishment entices greater hunger for more good things.  I desire to know Him, encounter Him, and reproduce Him.  May He continue to fill so I can pour out...believing today, that I can only keep that which I give away!  May we ALL seek to experience ALL of who HE is TODAY!

Grant us the favor of your face, Jesus!  It's what we pray... Kim and I...  and already asking... again sometime?

Learning

Asking myself what I'm learning today. Not sure. Not aware of much. Asking myself what God's saying to me today. Not sure about that either.

After sitting on those questions a little more... sensing God's telling me, “If you say that you want to be about 'these things,' then you should be about them whether you get a paycheck doing them or not.” That makes sense. Also sensing He's inviting me to persevere. My sweet wife shared some good words with me... as she always does.

God's given she and I a new, fresh, powerful hunger for more of Him. It's very strange. We want more of the Spirit. More of Him in any way He might choose to offer it. We're looking and expecting more of Him. We've heard talk of the Holy Spirit, and we've articulated much about Him. However, we're wanting to functionally practice life through the power of Him in us and through us. This could be radically different than how we've practiced in the past. Although revealed in the scripture, He is not contained by the scripture. He does strange things. Don't want my theology to serve as a self-protection mechanism against what could be Him working in unusual ways.

Yet, in seeking Him in new / different ways, I forgot something that Kel reminded me of tonight. For the first time ever I'm really looking for (and expecting!) the miraculous... healings, prophetic words, etc. At the same time, what I'm forgetting is I need to look for and believe in those things, but I must not lose sight of the call to persevere.

This morning I told Kel, “I'm growing weary.” It was true. That's how I felt. At the same time I said it because I was baiting her to speak truth back into my heart. Truth that I my mind already knew from the scriptures. She has done that. She's very faithful to do that.

Learning to... stay true to my calling. Reminded to persevere. Be willing to look like a freak show when necessary if I'm sensing my actions are of the Lord. Still embracing my awkwardness. Much to learn. Maybe I need to learn to be more awkward in some ways.

God's question

Remember when God spoke to Adam in the Garden of Eden after he had eaten the forbidden fruit? God only had one question. He said, “Where are you?”

That's a good question. Not necessarily referring to geographic location. “Where am I?” And... “What's God up to?”

Well, I'm still waiting. I'm still watching. Struggling in the waiting a good bit today. Little things that disappoint seem to feel like big things... even though they're not. Like spilling a few drops of paint on the floor (that actually wiped right off).

No word from my friends in Ohio. Expecting to hear from them in the next day or two. My mind wonders what they're wondering. Why is it taking so long? Do they just have some major concerns about me? Maybe they would have kicked me off the list of potentials a long time ago if they had major concerns? Not sure what to think.

Aware that somehow in some way this must be good for me. Seems I prefer things are easy and pleasant that are good for me... kind of like when you'd eat a Flintstone vitamin as a kid. It always tasted like candy, but somehow it had health benefits. Can't recall too many lessons I've learned that way though.

Little Charli's over 19 months old now. She's actually still in a size 2 diaper! If you don't know what that means, we'll just say she's a little small. Don't let the cheeks fool you. She's a little tater tot. In this picture she's sucking on one animal cracker while also holding one in each hand. These are new to her. Even she understands that good and easy is quite nice combo.

Ready for good and easy. Not sure if it's in my future. Just ready...

diggin' my heels in

Not sure what is going to happen this week... feeling confident that we will hear something.  Will it be what I thought and hoped?  Does God have something even better?  Pastor and I have been talking and praying about how our hearts might process a, "no thanks."  I had a breakthrough on Sunday that freed me up from a potential bad case of the "woe is me."  The breakthrough was an invitation to dream even bigger.  I am not totally sure what that means, but it has brought new life and breath as we continue to wait.

I am praying the end of Psalm 5 that speaks of God being a shield of favor over us.  Yes to FAVOR!  I'll take a double portion of that, please!

As I process the what if's and I talk to God about my heart I am challenged to stand firm.  Today I had living water offered to me through a dear friend.  She spoke God's heart to me, and I drank deeply.

You better believe I am diggin' my heels into truth.  So thankful for the church of the courageous that will step in and encourage.  I'm getting my feet all in that stuff.  I want to be smeared in truth and hope.  I want people to see it ALL over me... from the bottom of my infant toes to the top of my head.

The waters may rage around me.  We may not get the job.  It may look like we have nothing.  I will be sad, but I will not despair.  

The waters cannot thwart God's plan of always doing me good.  My heart is in agreement with the Psalmist's cries, my heart knows greater joy than when "things" were appearing abundant (paraphrased.)  I can choose to trust...and I choose to dig my heels into the deep.

The lights are on over here at Ridgegate Lane... and not just because it is on the market.

We may have darkness around us, but the light within is shining brighter than ever.  God is stirring and moving, and we are very much awake.  We are ready!  

With each day of waiting I will fight for my heels to dig deeper and deeper into expectations for GREATER THINGS... because that is what He has invited me into.  Who would refuse an invitation like that?

Treading my way... stomping on a mix of faith, truth, hope, and GREAT EXPECTATIONS... I'm thinkin' that makes for a pretty strong foundation.  So blessed by those willing to tread alongside!

   

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Introspective

This just makes me laugh

This is Shorty. Yes, her eyes are big and beautiful, but the magnifying glass makes her eye freakishly huge. This picture and the pictures below illustrate something I've been thinking about for the last day or two.

I've mentioned in previous blogs how my theology has messed me up. Don't get me wrong, I love theology. I think my theology is right, but I have deceived myself through it. By thinking my framework of thinking / logic (finite and flawed) was sufficient to filter out the movement and voice of God, I've missed Him. I know God is the God of order, but He also works in crazy ways... peek at some of the weird things OT prophets like Elijah and Ezekiel did.

Anyways, back to these pictures... Kel and I have been reading a couple different things together, and one thing hit me extra hard recently. I've always held very firmly to what I believe is a biblical view on man's depraved nature and original sin. I try to be introspective... examining my own heart, looking at my motives, looking under rocks (like crawdad hunting) = meaning, trying to look beneath the surface of my actions and responses. I've tried to live a fairly reflective / examined life. I think this is a good thing.

These two pictures represent how I've lived much of my life.

However, I've spent so much time looking for my flaws, my sins, what's behind the pattern of responses, etc... well, I end up taking my eyes off of God. Again, my eyes are right back on me! I'm preoccupied with me! God wants to conform me more into the image of Christ... yes, I know this. At the same time I'm called to be about His Kingdom's work in the here and now! He can use me whether my character is where it should be or not. If I become consumed by my unworthiness, I take away from the worthiness of Him! “It's a perversion of holiness when introspection causes my spiritual self-esteem to increase, but my effectiveness in demonstrating the power of the gospel to decrease.” (author not mentioned)

Still learning. Still waiting. Still growing more and more tired while waiting. Grateful He's still teaching me... even when I'm such a slow learner.

wild beauty

This is a term that Pastor would use to describe me and is also what we call Shorty.  Eloise and I both embrace the fact that we posses wild beauty.  Truth is, there is not much that is tame about us.  I am thankful for that.  I don't want to be tame.  I rather enjoy being wild.  In fact, I hope the Lord will continue to invite me into the wild.  It is there that I am most free to discover my true beauty... HIM!

Our yard still bears scars from it's battle with the summer heat.  But, it also has some of the most beautiful wild flowers growing....they call my heart to sing His praises.

I love that God shares His wild beauty with us.  Blooms from his heart that no man planted.  All for our pleasure.  All for His glory. 

Pastor and I have been reading in Psalm 4 this week...verse 6 has been heavy on my heart, it says., "Let the light of Your face shine down on us..." It was a request by the psalmist... he was desiring that...  he and we would be living proof of His goodness when the world says there is no good or no God.  As I look around and enjoy the wild, fall beauty I see a good God everywhere... and my heart cries to do the same.  I want to display His beauty so that there is NO doubt that God exists.  I want to display His goodness.

My smalls talk about wild beauty, they see it, they recognize it, and they enjoy it.  

Much like what He has created in my backyard... in Eloise...  and in me... He is not tame.  He is a wild God.  I take great joy in knowing that I can name ways that I am like my Daddy... thankful that He takes great delight in the wild beauty He has created... humbled to serve a WILD GOD!