a scary word to some

Manifest...
Many want to run from this word.  This is a word that has great value in our home.  We have been asking the Lord to do this very thing in our lives.  We desire more.  We desire all that He might be willing to offer.  He is a God of limitless-abundance and so we ask.

Today, as I continue to process Pastor's interview, I again, ask for His manifestation in our lives in our home and in the Dayton Church.  It feels scary to have hope for something that you never wanted in the first place.  It feels terrifying to have a passion for something that is not of yourself.  It is costly to dream on the behalf of others...on behalf of the Bride.  Today, I continue to feel the ache of cost.

I am not sure that we will get the position.  God seems perfectly content in our needing Him.  I have had many thoughts and visions about us getting the job.  I have also heard man's words that say we might not.  What honors God most as I try to discern what is accurate?  I know my job today is to be faithful in the waiting.  I want to remember what I have learned from the past.  Early this morning I asked God to stir up a scripture in me, to bring encouragement, immediately I heard....hold unswervingly, remember....I am The Faithful Promise Keeper.  It seems like this verse might be a life one...but aren't they all?  I am drawing strength from His alive words today.

I am confident that soon we will hear either way.  But, right now, what matters most is that God continue to reveal Himself more fully.  I want to see Him EVERYWHERE.  I want Him to manifest Himself in whatever ways brings Him the most glory.  I want to draw strength from who He is so that when I struggle with the lies I can find my rest in His presence.

So, to me manifest isn't  a tricky word... it's a word that represents my lifeline.   I desire to see His works displayed, His heart revealed,  His power demonstrated.  I want to see all of Him so that I might become more like Him.  Isn't this how I worship best?  As I know Him more... I love Him more... as I love Him more... I become more like Him.... and He manifests Himself in stinky ole' me.  Wow!  Me?

I don't know about you, but I love this word... I love that it's in my home... I love that God is speaking about  it in crazy ways...

And I love that the One that created the word doesn't want us to be afraid of it...  He wants us to embrace it.

Oh God, we ask that you would manifest Yourself today in ways that bring you glory... for the sake of your kingdom... for the sake of your sons and daughters that cry out for more of you... we are desperate for MORE of YOU!  Amen!

Update

A brief update on the interview process... I (Adam) drove to Lexington, Kentucky this morning. It's near the middle between here and the church in Ohio that I've been interviewing with. The Senior Pastor wanted a little more face time with me, and he wanted the opportunity to bounce a few more questions off of me. When Kelly and I were in Ohio, we didn't have  much time with him.

Really enjoyed my time with him (and the Associate Pastor who was also there). Grateful for the opportunity to get to know him a little more. Grateful to hear his heart...

I definitely shared my heart. Shared how much I want the position. Shared how our hearts have ached. Think I was able to share everything I'd like to share. No regrets in what I've said and done in this process. Still don't know if I'm their guy. There is another candidate. In addition, as you probably know the last quarter was not so good for the economy. Looks like that could have an impact on this position as well... potentially huge impact on whether or not it will even exist.

In a strange place right now. Man, the waiting has been rough. The unknown is wearing me out. So wanting to plan what's next. Feel grateful that I think the process is almost done (began in mid-July). Maybe some relief that I think my part in the process is complete. Looking forward to closure. Very hopeful. Fearful too though. Hoping to be celebrating soon.

you can teach an old pastor new tricks

Children invite us to learn.... not just our children... all children.  They extend the offer and we can choose what to do with it.  Sometimes the asking involves us trying something that we are destined to fail at... something that will make us feel foolish.  What will we choose when this is the case?

This time Pastor chooses to try.  And try-hard, he does.

inevitable failure surfaces from the untrained...unskilled...but, how do you master something or learn more about it if you always give up just because you aren't good at it?  

You have to pick the tool of learning back up and try... try... try...try... and try again!

Often times the one that issues the invitation will step in an offer some much needed counsel and encouragement.

Again, we have a choice...what will we do with what is being offered?  Will we engage with the teacher or will we shut down?  Will we press in and press on or will we quit?

Pastor chooses well.  He keeps trying.  He makes the choice to learn.  He makes a choice to be child-like.

more tries...

second, third...fourth and on and on it goes... but he continues to pick up the tool and listen to his little teacher... and then....something happens....

other small people want to offer what they have.... they want to bless with helpful words and encouragement.  It's important to acknowledge the gifts of the small... from them flow very LARGE blessings.

It is healthy for young princes to see their daddy's struggle to learn... even to see them fail... neediness is an important lesson in itself.

Persevering is too...

So... the expert in the family steps in.  She knows perseverance well.  Her goal this summer was to master this tool... and master it she did.  Through the fruit of her own labor and learning she nourishes her daddy... and Pastor receives. 

He accepts his lack of knowledge, he accepts the awkwardness of body parts that won't cooperate, he accepts his failings, he embraces the laughter of others and chooses to join along, and best of all... he chooses to keep trying... he chooses to learn...

and learn he does.  With great joy we all applaud Pastor's success.  Giggles of delight fill our "screened in porch" a.k.a our garage.  Pastor makes choices that we all benefit from.

God is stirring in many, many ways in our Good Pastor.  I am blessed the most as I have a front row seat.  God has given us a Shepherd that is choosing risk, that is choosing foolishness for the sake of the kingdom, that is very much Spirit-Alive and beautifully steadfast.

Despite the rumors and stats... you can teach an old pastor new tricks... and their wives too...living proof exists right over here on Ridgegate Lane.

So thankful!

Garden of the Heart

Not the best picture, but my Kelly's the photographer in the family.  Waited too late in the day to take the pic.

Below are a few pictures of our fall garden. It's our first fall garden so we're new to planting these items. We've really enjoyed planting things in the summer, but this is very different... a whole new season. Learning much... as new things are planted... old things continue to fight to survive in the garden.

This first picture is our basil. It's supposed to be a summer plant, but don't tell it that. For some reason it decided to be a late bloomer, but, man, it has taken off. Feel like this represents how I've been such a slow learner / late bloomer in areas like... how to lead my family, how to be authentic, how to dream, but I'm finally growing in these areas... even if it isn't the usual season to be growing in that way.

This picture is our jalapeño plant. It's strange in that it thrives best with a lot of heat and little water. When we had the long, hot, dry spell this summer, it was producing like crazy! It was incredible. I'll repeat that... in drought it produced the most fruit. In seasons when the normative necessary resources needed have not been available... well, I've seen a lot of change. Seen much new growth. Would never have expected much of the change that has happened, and it has not come easily... but grateful for the unusual.

These are a few different things. I believe this is mostly a hybrid collard. Not really sure what that means. I know what a hybrid is, but I don't know what collards combined to make this. To be honest I'm not totally sure what everything is in the garden. I know what I planted, but some of them look the same. Some of this is supposed to be cauliflower and broccoli. They had different labels when I bought them, but they all seem the same right now. Enjoyed some kind of hybrid green for dinner tonight. Not always able to communicate or understand what I'm being fed, but I am aware there's value and benefit to it.

This is our marigold. There are a few of them fighting to stay alive. Most of them have died. Initially, they don't appear to be contributing to the purpose of a garden. Maybe they make aesthetic contributions, but that's not why we planted them. I was surprised to learn (before planting them) that they actually keep rabbits away. There's something about the marigold that rabbits don't like. May sound strange, but they've worked. They have protected our garden. Still striving to protect my heart... just like the garden, weeds / animals / insects... well, they can all put it in a bad place in a hurry!

Such a strange season in my life. Been a long season of waiting. Much tilling. Much compost. Learning some things very slowly. Different types of desires and passions are growing (much like new and different things growing in our fall garden). Deeply longing to see the fruits (and vegetables) soon. So ready for a clearly defined change in the season.  

worth it all

Pastor's wife here.  Thankful to have a good pastor that leads from a learning heart.  He is choosing change.  He is fighting for Spirit-alive living.  This involves great risk... especially for him, but I am certain these risks will bring great reward.  It's messy living and learning over here on Ridgegate Lane, but one thing this raggedy heart knows for sure... He is all I want... and He is worth my ALL!

Lately, I have been learning that when we want to learn more about the Lord there is NO cost that is too great.  We should be willing to go anywhere...do anything...to find the treasure.  When I was in California, I had the privilege of sitting under the worship and teaching of one of my super heroes, Kim Walker.  The Lord used her like He has so many times to stir me.  She is a young, sweet, beautiful, warrior-worshipper of our King.  If I was able, I would be her apprentice.  I would love to learn from her... and, there is much to learn.

This woman knows about risk.  She knows about asking and anointing.  She is familiar with sacrifice and using her gifts to honor the Gift-giver.  She pours out as He pours in.  She radiates joy.  She radiates beauty...she entices me to more of HIM.  She spurs me on.  Her life speaks to seek HIM with ALL my heart no matter the cost because HE is worth it ALL!  

I am willing to sell everything... move anywhere... do anything... to know HIM better to reflect HIM better... to be transformed more to HIS image.   I want ALL OF HIM!  I am hungry for more...

This little guy is hungry too...

He is sitting beside me even now as I type this.  This is a picture of the drum set he made.  He has been fascinated with drums for the past several years.  I thought this was a phase... it is not.  Something in his heart just loves drums.  He is mesmorized by them.  He becomes alive when he sees others playing them and whenever we worship he wants to play the drums.  He has a passion for drumming.  He just saw this picture of himself and said, "that is  drum man."  That is what he has been calling himself.  He has no reservations about this... he is just claiming what he senses to be true... even though he is totally unskilled.  I wonder what God is up to in Elliott.  I am paying attention.  I think it is very possible that God could want him to be a drummer for the kingdom.  This will mean that Good Pastor and I will have to allow him to learn from other drummers... be with other drummers... own real drums... practice and play.  In order for the skill to grow he will need more than just a book about drumming... he will need to be with those that posses the gifting he desires.  Often... gifting imparts gifting.

I may not be able to walk life out beside Kim Walker... though, I do worship under her almost everyday.  I am on the hunt for more of the Lord.  I am in His word, and I am also seeking people and places that can teach me things about Him that I haven't been trained in.  I am hungry to learn....

And, I am thankful for women like this... more youthful than I... that are faithful to lead... and faithful to link hands with their pastor-husbands and pray for learning-girls like me.  

I am seeking... and even in my tired state I will choose an expectant heart.  This is not always easy for me, but I desire to see.  I desire to grow.  I desire to learn... I desire to be used... I SO DESIRE MORE OF HIM... because HE ALONE is WORTH IT ALL... hungry... and thankful!

Double-Portion

This picture is of Shorty (aka Eloise) enjoying dessert. This girl can eat. She's always hungry... always. Her sister didn't want all of the new, tasty concoction she was offered for dessert. As you can tell Shorty gladly took it. A double-portion for my Shorty.

"Double-portion" is a good describing word for her. She has received double in many ways. When Kelly said that phrase while she was eating dessert, my mind quickly went to Elijah and Elisha. Elisha knew that it was the day that the Lord was going to take Elijah. Elisha's last request of Elijah was that he might give receive a double-portion of his spirit. Without question, Shorty has a double-portion (of much more than just dessert). Her heart has been deeply blessed by the Spirit to love, to feel, to grieve, to celebrate, to laugh, to intercede... And we think God will use her to bring healing to others. Different types of healing. Supernatural healing. Her faith is strong.

Read an interesting quote today, “If you assign ten new believers the task of studying the Bible to find God's heart for this generation, not one of them would conclude that the spiritual gifts are not for today. You have to be taught that stuff!” Sometimes I think I've even used my sound, but finite theology as a self-protection mechanism against that which seems foreign or different... when I'm sure I've missed opportunities to experience the Lord by doing that. I Corinthians says that the “Kingdom of God is not in word but in power.” I've functionally lived as if it were just in word much of my life.

Ready for much more of the Spirit.

Kelly took the kids to play outside for awhile this afternoon in the neighborhood. It was time she created for me to worship and seek God on a particular question I had. Eloise knew what I was doing during this time. When they came back, Shorty walked through the bonus room and very casually asked me, “Did He say anything?” It was spoken in such a nonchalant way... as if I were expecting a text or a phone call. The way she asked it communicated that there was no doubt in her mind that the Lord does speak. He is not mute! She expects the Lord to be moving and stirring. It's just part of how she's made, and it is awesome. That was a great gift today.

Celebrating her double-portion today. Grateful for a God who does speak.

stitching pieces

Some days just feel more confusing than others.  I think a lot of factors contribute to this...fatigue... circumstances... weather.... the mind.

Today is a great day.  The air is full of crisp fall.  The Vols are playing and winning... yea... my kids are playing cards with Pastor.  We have a warm and loving home.  We have plenty of food to eat.  We are getting ready for worship tonight.  All is well.

But if I am being really honest my heart  is struggling with feeling confused.

What does God want for our family.  Are the desires in our hearts from HIM?  How can we honor HIM most?  When I think I hear Him... is it really HIM or me?  As I pray, I often confess how weak my faith really is.  It is growing, but it is still small.  My heart feels discouraged by it's infancy.   I am a woman that likes facts... direction... plans... and I like it on my timetable.  God is not concerned about doing things when I want them.  He is more concerned with the slow weaving of threads.  Threads that look all crazy and out of whack to everyone but HIM.  He is not scared of messy or things appearing out of control.

Much like this project I was helping the girls with....the finished product takes time.  It took some correcting, some re-aligning, it took resources... heart and determination.  I was often frustrated that the project was not co-operating.  I am thankful that unlike me my Good Daddy knows all, and nothing is challenging for HIM.  And, He desires best.  He is an uncompromising God.  Sometimes best means being patient.  Sometimes best means the painful ripping of the "threads of good intentions."  Most of the time best means costly...because we must wait for His gentle hand to shape us with the needle and thread that patterns us after HIMSELF.

I am learning this...my faith is growing...it feels hard....it feels confusing...but I know I am conforming more to HIS image, and I am thankful.

I am learning that writing, speaking and living Eucharisteo is a sacrifice.  It takes intention, and it is choosing to see with thankful eyes at all times... in all circumstances.  Thankfulness as we feel ripped at the seam.  Thankfulness when we are awaiting miracles.  Thankfulness as we pray salvation over our children.  Thankfulness in laughter and in tears.  CHOOSING to be thankful in all things... in plenty and in want.  This student will continue to talk to the Teacher about her heart, and it's desire to be patterned after her Maker. He continues to guide me through life with his nail scarred hands, and... slowly... VERY SLOWLY...I take shape....less of me and more of HIM... a tapestry of joyful and painful eucharisteos.